I vant to be alone
IwishIwishIwish mikvah attendants would leave after I'm technically finished in the mikvah. I feel like there's an unwritten law: 3 dunks and yerrrrrrr OUT! I was inspired by someone special to me to spend a few minutes alone with myself in the mikvah after my 3 dunks, 3 "ko-SHER"s, and 1 bracha. This is private time, I'm squeaky clean, I'm sparkling fresh, I'm blessed, I'm holy again. I'm in the re-birthing waters. Now is the time when I feel like I have a direct line to G-d; it's as if He's waiting for me to speak. Persephone said it exactly in her blog, In the Barren Season:
"...I felt, in the water, like this is the moment when there's nothing between me and Gd."
Except, it's me and G-d... and the mikvah attendant. I have to break the spell and ask if she minds if I "take a moment." Usually, the attendants get the idea and quietly leave. Sometimes, the person attending doesn't get it, says "sure" and then stands there. I should work up the courage to say right up front, "after my 3rd immersion, I like to take a moment alone in the water; I can see myself out." But I'm a little intimidated by the mikvah attendants. They have the power. If the attendant decides I'm not kosher, she can make me go back and re-wash, immerse 20 more times, or come back the next day... She can keep me from my husband. Granted, I don't really think any attendant would ever do that. But they could.
Anyway, when the attendant gets it, and leaves the room, and I have my few moments of solitude with G-d, I feel holy and heard. I really feel like, unlike other times when millions of us are praying relatively the same thing at around the same time, when I immerse, G-d is watching me, G-d is with me, purifying me with each submersion. So naturally, He'll stick around to hear what I have to say afterwards.
He's never answered me at the mikvah, though. from Beneath the Surface
Comments
wow. if i end up going this month (trying to get pregnant) i am totally going to do that. what a wonderful idea. while waiting to be called, i always sit and think about what i *need/want* from hashem, but it never occured to me to ask for it while actually *in* the mikvah.
I will be forever grateful to the woman who taught this to me. It's such a beautiful moment, I highly recommend it!
Gosh, I would think that you can tell the mikvah attendant and if there is any problem, WHICH there absolutely shouldn't be, you can go to the committee and/or rabbi/rebbetzin who runs the mikvah and complain. I personally am like the above commenter who is worried that others are waiting, but I know at my mikvah they are generally open about whatever you need. You pay for the service, so this is inturn a service-based position. Customer Service is a must.
At the mikvah I go to there are also about 10 prep rooms that have doors to the mikvah - the mikvah ladies want to make sure that you go back into your room, and not somebody else's room (which would be at once both funny and scary - because the site of some of my kehilla naked might be permanantly scarring).
Hmmm... perhaps the mikvah ladies could use the ol' roommates' trick and put a tie on the doorknob to your prep room, so you know which door is Door #1? ;)
With my luck, if we had 10 doors, I would most certainly go into the wrong one, and it would most certainly be the room with the rebbetzin who runs our local Chabad house, who is a sweetheart, but has a reputation of being stern and no-fun-n-games. I'd never be able to look her in the face again.
I don't think I could ever work up the guts to ask the attendant to leave me alone for a moment after tevilah. Even though the mikvah I usually use has two dunking pools (and usually only one attendant, so only one person immersing at a time), I would feel the gotta-move-you-out pressure. It's a good thing I can tune out her presence for a moment before each dunk, at least.
This is just a little thing, but maybe it would help - do you know you don't have to face the attendant? All she has to see is whether all your hair went under, so it's fine if you want to face away from her. I think seeing nothing but the water and the wall in front of me helps me "tune out her presence" a bit.
Actually, it never occurred to me to *face* the attendant! From the very first time I immersed, I faced away from her. Even that way, though, I still know she's. right. there. :)
huh. I never thought to face towards her either. But as my first mikveh experience had 3 rabbis checking as well, so I was told to face away and I've always done so since. I've had the "move on" pressure too, which is frustrating. I don't know an answer for it. I'm just trying to figure out how to anticipate it so I don't feel so let down when I don't get that extra "me time". I think I feel another post coming...
When I was in a t'h refresher course, the teacher told us matter-of-factly that the moments after the second dip are reserved for personal prayer (i.e. dip, bless, dip, pray, dip, repeat as necessary or climb out of the mikvah). I've never heard this from anyone else, but as soon as I integrated this practice, I observed that the mikvah ladies (this was when I was living in Israel and the attendant lineup was always different) would instantly know what was going on and would drop a towel on my head (even though I was facing away from them). It was like they were expecting it. Interesting. The same doesn't seem to be true in America, but no one ever seems put out by the practice. Considering that some women tovel many many times, I feel secure taking a little prayer time since I'm a quick toveler.
Do you know, I had no idea you could even do this until last month? I always rush right out of the water, afraid that I'm holding someone else up. (And I guess I'm in a hurry to get home, too!) For some reason, last time, the mikvah lady mentioned to me that some women like to stay and daven after she goes out. I'm still too self conscious to do it, but it's definitely an intriguing idea...