Mayim Rabim

At least in my circles they are pretty common. My chosson and I are currently in the midst of our classes. We cover more-or-less the same thing... Of course (in our circles anyway) his are taught by the Rabbi and ours by the Rebbetzin. After each shiur (class) I ask "so what was covered" and get the basics of what we did, but not in the same detail or mind-set. Details such as biology of how we work and how we become niddah is going to be described differently by a guy !

Hope this helps...

We got married in a "mid-sized" Jewish community... not enough random kallahs (or chossons) around for group classes. Actually, there was one other couple who got married that same day, but kallah classes were one-on-one.. the Rabbi told me who to call. (not his wife.) My husband studied with our Rabbi... who went on vacation in the middle and passed him off to another Rabbi, who lent him some books, told him to read them, and come back if he had any questions. Then there were a few sessions with the original Rabbi when he returned from vacation.

I'm not sure exactly what he learned... one thing that came up was a difference in minhag... he learned I wasn't allowed to sit on his bed (when a niddah) and I learned I could sit there in his presence but not lie down on it... needless to say, the first time I tried that, he freaked out at me!

I should add, not *everyone* takes classes here. There is a raging debate as to classes vs. one-on-one.. but that might be more for the kallahs then the chossons. Most men I know took a class (unless they were BT [return to being observant] and coming to this later) and the women, it's a coin toss.. right now it's wedding season so class (at least mine) is bulging at the seams for both the men and women.

HTH.

Yeah, I think that's our issue. Not being FFB [frum from birth], and not observing t'h from the beginning of our marriage, we came to t'h sorta @ssbackwards. I took a class, but my husband never did. I think couples could benefit from taking a class, or at least portions of a class, together, so everyone is on the same page. My husband relies on me to tell him what is okay and not okay, and because it's me and not a rabbi, he tends to 'pick and choose.' Sorta. Hmmm, maybe this is another post for me ;)

Hee hee. I understand about 'pick and choose' *oy* ... I do know that a (chabad?) group near here was having "refresher" classes recently and that they were advertized in the big papers (HaModia, I think Jewish Press (probably not, but maybe, I read too many papers LOL), etc.) Perhaps if T"H classes are offered for kallahs and chossons in your community you could ask if you could sit in.. my guess is might be uncomfortable (as you are already married), but the topic leaves many squeamish as is. It might also help the kallahs.. Hmm. I feel a second post coming on as well. HTH.. kol tuv!

My husband did take a class, but when it comes to actual practice he defers to me. (Isn't that sweet?) It is really useful to have someone around who has equally knowledgable in the actual practice, because sometimes things are unclear, but are easily solvable
without going to a Rabbi, and the odds of being able to answer your own question with two people is greater. Also, many times one of you may learn a point that was omitted from the other's class.

We don't have any formal chatan classes here, but I asked my husband to take one, so he went to the rabbi of a liberal orthodox shul in a nearby town, and I would say it was a pretty big disaster. The rabbi spent about 2 hours telling him about married life as he saw it and near the end counseled the use of k-1 [sic] jelly if intercourse was painful to me.

I have heard that drisha in NY has couples' classes, and those sound interesting, although paradoxically I think I never would've done it as a bride, even though I'd be comfortable with it now.

Hey, my husband said he's actually interested in taking a class. He said he realizes that it's all on me, and that's not really fair (although, he, too, said he would defer to me anyway) and that he should at least know what the laws are. Now it's a question of finding a class. Hmmm, talia, I like the idea of a 'refresher' course... I wonder if I could get the local chabad to do something like that! Although, I don't know how my hubby would feel about being told to use "k-1" jelly! lol!

Here is a link to a refresher course.. http://mikvah.org/inside.asp?id=170 I had originally emailed them about just taking the refresher (yeah..) and someone there replied offering to help me find someone to learn with.. perhaps they can help you find someone (and gear it towards your level of learning) and/or help your local chabad create a program. I have no idea.

i have heard about drisha's class (it's new, afaik) and wish it had different timing... though at the rate i'm going i will need my "refresher" before i ever get married!

I'm so glad, FB. Yey!