Torn in Half
It's late. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep, but I can't. My husband (let's call him David) and I have two adjacent twin beds that we cover with a king size sheet during our "together" period. I got my period this morning and now I can't go to sleep until I replace the king sheet with two twins.
I'm starting to get a little depressed. My period didn't come until David had already left to work, and the emotional effects of Niddah have not yet set in. I slept in his arms last night, and I got my goodbye kiss this morning. Now I have to take the first steps end the physical part of our relationship. I will change the sheets, and later I will sleep alone in my bed, nothing but cold air surrounding me. The process does happen gradually. It starts off as a small tear, but a few days later it feels like we are hanging on by just a few thin threads. And the hardest part? The knowledge that to a large extent, this is the way it's supposed to be.
On second thought, I'll let David make his own bed.
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I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling, been there, done that. But what I don't get about this statement
"It starts off as a small tear, but a few days later it feels like we are hanging on by just a few thin threads. And the hardest part? The knowledge that to a large extent, this is the way it's supposed to be."
is; i was taught this time is for us to work on the other aspects of our relationship. The physical one is just that much easier to maintain and feel good about. We are "supposed" to work on our relationship on the communication and verbal level.
So my question is: So how come it's so hard? i must say though, the few and far between times (and we are sort of early on in our marriage) that it does work, is so rewarding.
I always find it so hard after coming home from the mikvah, as inspiring and uplifting as I still find it, 4.5 years into marriage and 2 babies later, to just get back into the intimate space of our relationship again. There have been so many mikvah nights when I come home, hug my husband, and see that gleam in his eye that says, "I want you and I want you NOW - let's go", that I just want to say - slow down, take it gradually, I don't know if I am ready to switch gears so fast. And I love my husband. And I love being intimate with him. But the transition is so sudden and so severe, from more emotional spaces to togetherness. Know what I mean?
My husband and I usually start the evening off slowly. We have a nice dinner together, my husband lights candles all over the house, we gradually snuggle together. Over the course of the evening, we move into a more comfortable space with each other.
Of course, we don't have children yet. I'm assuming all that will change when the kids start arriving!
Jewish Woman---
There are things that touch can do that nothing else can. When my husband comes home from work at 12:30 am there really isn't time for talking about our feelings, or "massaging each other with words," as someone I know likes to say. I started to comment on my feelings toward the psychological benefits of TM, but I'll save that for another post.
Not Yet--
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in the "switching gears" difficulty. Before my first post I thought it may be a common thing, I was really surprised that no one else experienced it. Even still, I think it is perfectly understandable.
The point of separation is always the hardest time for me -- and the last few days before, and the first few days after. There have been many months when I'm just a wreck over the anticipation and the experience of being "torn apart." By the time the next week rolls around I'm usually better.
This is totally not your point, I know, but (if this wouldn't offend your sense of hygiene) could you put the king sheet over two twins from the beginning? That way when the time came, all you'd have to do is pull off the king, not make up the twins. It's just that bit more galling to have to do chores at that point, for something you don't even want to do.