Enough Already!
This cycle has been going for months. OK, only two months and change, but that's plenty. I know the body takes time to adjust after going off of hormonal contraceptives, and I was never regular before, but not having a "break" is starting to annoy me. It's not that I want to be completed separated from my husband. On the contrary, I love cuddling before I get out of bed in the morning and exchanging a kiss when he comes home at night. And he's not pressuring me for unwanted sex...but that pressure is in the air just the same. After a few years of the "get it in now while you can" attitude, I can't help but think of being tehorah as a race against a deadline.
It doesn't help that for the first half of this cycle we thought that I just might ovulate on my own, so we tried for conception at every opportunity for a few weeks...now we're just tired. After all, we met and exceed our Intercourse Quota for one tehorah-phase fairly early on, and putting that aside, every-other-day sex is a tough act to follow (so much so that starting up again feel like an unspoken vow to go back to that rate, and we'r enot up to the challenge just now.) I feel guilty when I drop off to sleep without even a half-hearted attempt for the sixth, eighth, or tenth night in a row (even though my husband does the same, though unfortunately not on the same nights). I feel unattractive and asexual, but I can't be bothered to get myself excited enough to put on sexy lingerie or plot a mini-seduction...it's useless anyway, since there's a good chance one of us will choose to prioritize sleep or housework or some other task. I never thought the sexual excitement could drop out of our relationship so quickly.
I just filled a prescription for progesterone capsules...a few days of those, a few days off, and I should be niddah again. There's a chance that this could kick-start my reproductive system, though the more likely possibility is another anovulatory cycle and a PCOS diagnosis. I hope, though, that this break will be just what we need to revitalize our sex life, because if there's a long road ahead, at least the journey should be fun.
Comments
Heard of it, and read it cover to cover. Repeatedly. I'm also charting temps and cervical mucous (using the Ovusoft program). Unfortunately, it's not doing us much good, besides telling me (and my doctor) that I am having a very long, very anovulatory cycle. Hopefully the progesterone "reset" will give me a normal cycle next time around (in which case the chart will be much more useful, in a different way), but I'm not counting on it.
I find what you described to be the only psychological benefit to TM. It makes sex all the more exciting. On the flip side, the "enought already" feeling makes the niddah days less of a blow. I had a miscarriage in November, and it took 8 weeks to get my period, which I reeeealy wanted to come since I needed to have a test done once my period was over which would determine when I could try again. So I wholeheartedly empathize.
I both empathize and hope for the best for you.
Similar to the "enough already" feeling...but completely different...I've been nursing clean for well -- subtract being niddah and uninterested after the baby for two months -- um, 18 months now.
Nothing like being completely available to kill any spark. I'm actually looking forward to when I'm niddah. I need the me time and sex is just another thing to sandwich in.
Never thought of not being niddah as annoying, but then again, I've never been "TTC" (trying to conceive) so haven't had the pressure of the every-other-night thing. I'm not saying life during the always-on parts is anywhere near the same as during the "race before the deadline" before niddah strikes, (my but that's apt!) but we tend to fall into a different pattern that (mostly) works for us. Although I hear you on the too tired too often thing!
Anyway, you may have heard this somewhere else, but thought I'd throw it out there anyway, as Potentially Useful Information. It's not a miracle cure or anything, but women with PICOS seem to be more likely to ovulate and therefore conceive on a low-carb diet. Now I don't know if this means a true low-carb diet like Atkins that throws you into ketosis, or a modified low-carb diet like South Beach, where you emphasize whole grains and avoid processed carbs. But I know first hand of 2 or 3 women with PICOS who conceived about 6 years ago after giving low-carb a try, who had not managed to have children before that.
Like I said, not a miracle cure, but it certainly can't hurt, and (not meaning to offend) as long as you aren't starting painfully slim, you probably wouldn't mind the side benefit of losing some extra weight. Progesterone sounds potentially helpful too... hope it works for you!
I'd like to explore one phrase in the text "... unwanted sex...but that pressure is in the air just the same". There have been a couple comments on this kind of feeling, I presume stemming from the fact that sexual relations are the only (consciously) halachic method for a husband to relieve sexual tension.
At the same time, the expectation of sex on mikveh night is this type of pressure ... regardless of the woman's state of mind or interest, the expectation is still there one a month. I wonder what the psychological impact of such pressure might be ... any thoughts?
Desde - I already eschew highly processed grains and sugars (except for a few desserts, usually only on Shabbat). I've lost about 15% of my body weight in recent months, which was a good thing, but my doctor told me at this recent appointment not to lose any more weight (my current BMI is about 23). It's a very good point to make, though, because PCOS is associated with insulin resistance and an elevated risk of type 2 diabetes.
ipseq - I'll put up a new post for that discussion, if you'd like. I have plenty to say on that also.
Michaela, please do - I'd love to see (and have) a discussion on what ipseq brings up!
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties, Michaela. I don't have any sage advice, but wanted to know if you have seen/read the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I very highly recommend it (you can also check out the website until you are able to get the book, if you don't already have it).
It can be particularly helpful in showing you when you may potentially ovulate and therefore take the pressure off of having sex at other times.
Some of the fertility signs can be confusing, particularly just after going off the pill, but (or perhaps therefore?) it is very worthwhile.
Good luck with everything -- I hope that it will only get easier for you.