Marking time
Once, at a family simcha, about 10-15 years ago, my cousin tried to explain to me why men need the discipline of time-bound commandments like davening three times a day, wearing tzitzit and tefillin, kiddush lavanna, etc., and women don't need it the same way. This was many years ago, so my memory of the discussion is a bit hazy, but it seemed to revolve around the fact that women menstruate and men don't.
Her basic premise was that women have an innate sense of time, due to their hormonal cycles, and men need it forced upon them through ritual. Whether or not you believe that, the same set-up exists in T"H. Basically, the women call the shots, based on their cycles, and the men are left hanging, muttering, can I or can't I? What state is she in now? This is not necessarily a bad thing, since it seems to be the way the world of halacha works in general, but it does seem a bit unbalanced, if not unfair.
After all, during the beginning of niddah, my body doesn't want to be physically touched. I even involuntarily pull away from my kids (difficult with a nursing baby, let me tell you!) when they want to cuddle. I'm perfectly happy to be left alone. But by the sheva neki'im, I've had enough and long to be touched again, although I'm still "healing" (studies show the cervix is still raw and open to infection for the week after a woman's period ends), and the anticipation builds the whole week.
But for my husband? It must seem so arbitrary! For him it's all external forces being, well, forced on him. Does it bother him? Does it matter? (Not to be so cavalier with his feelings, but if davening three times a day "bothers" him, that still doesn't let him out of it!) I know he starts to get antsy if I haven't told him what "the schedule is," i.e. have I made a hefsek yet, and what day will I be ready to go to mikvah.
On the other hand, T"H forces him in tune with my wants, my needs, my cycle... with me. And who doesn't want her husband in tune with her?
Very interesting, Desde. I know I became much less interested in davening mincha/maariv when I got married, even though I didn't have children yet (which is the usual reason women are excused from prayer). It seemed to me one of the main reasons for davening 3x a day was to make sure you took time out of your daily schedule to acknowledge Gd: to consecrate the dimension of time. I knew that in theory women are supposed to be more in tune with the passage of time than men are, because they have monthly cycles, but I can't say the idea meant much to me.
But once I started keeping T"H, I instantly saw what that meant. Suddenly I couldn't have been more conscious of time: how many days since my last period, what time of day did I start bleeding, how many days since I stopped bleeding, what day did I make my hefsek, did I remember the bedikot all seven days, was it sundown yet so I could start getting ready for mikvah...
On the other hand I don't find that the cycle of T"H particularly matches my innate rhythm. I am usually much more interested in sex towards the end of my two tahor weeks than the beginning.