Making it "Spiritual"
I'm not a very "spiritual" person. Shortly after I got married, I mentioned the fact that I was practicing T"H to a couple of women, a friend and a Conservative rabbi. Both asked about my "experience" using the mikveh. Both times, I replied with a complaint about the train ride.
This really was how I thought about mikveh (and often still do): an hour and some-odd long train ride in each direction, which makes me motion sick; a lot of hot water, which makes me sleepy; the trouble I have combing my hair thoroughly without leaving half of it stuck to my body. The tevilah itself goes by so quickly that I barely notice it. This may not be terrible; I know from experience that observing halacha habitually, even without the greatest kavanah (intention) can have an effect on one's consciousness. Still, the reading I've done on the subject recently, and my participation in this community, has made me realize that there can and should be more.
So I'm working at it. If there's one thing I believe about spirituality, it's that you have to create it yourself. I've tried davening mincha (the afternoon service) right before leaving for the mikveh (it's always light out when I leave, what with that danged train ride). I've tried staying under water a little bit longer than I used to, focusing on every part of my body, thinking about what it means to serve God with the whole of my being. I've tried thinking of my mikveh visit as a mini Yom Kippur, a chance each month to get a fresh start at trying to be a better person and a better Jew. It's hard, though, especially for a two-dunker like me -- not much time to focus. While I've considered spending some extra time in the water to pray (as per frombeneath's post), I'm sure I'd be too self-conscious about keeping the attendant waiting to concentrate properly.
I remember reading something in Total Immersion about the menstrual cycle being something like a winding staircase. It seems like you're going around in circles, but if you pay close attention, you realize that you're moving upward. It's been that way for me these past few months. No earth-shaking spiritual experiences, but for some reason, when I step out of the mikveh, I'm just a little bit happier than I used to be. And when I get home, I'm less annoyed about the nausea and the fatigue. I know that it will pass. And when my husband puts his arms around me, I remember that I'm doing all this for a reason.
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I too have been doing the same thing lately... trying to find more spirituality in the entire event.
I just have one comment, never feel bad for making the mikvah attendant wait while you pray in the mikvah. She understands the importance of this time, and probably takes her time praying when she goes to the mikvah to immerse herself.
When I take someone to the mikvah I sometimes pray for the person while they are praying for themselves. I don't mind waiting, this is their time. So don't feel bad, it's your time, use it.
Ruchama, that's wonderful. I'm glad to hear you're happier than you used to be after the mikvah, and less annoyed upon returning home! When there are things to detract from the mikvah experience, it can be so difficult to find that spirituality. Although, I guess, taking the long train ride becomes part of your mikvah experience, doesn't it? Perhaps you can use the ride there to think about what you're about to do, and maybe use the time to get your head into that spiritual place. Of course, if you're like me, you're using that time to keep yourself from throwing up ;) I hate the train. You impress me, that you go to those lengths. Yasher koach, and may your happiness continue to increase!
I think those are beautiful thoughts. I only occasionally get to prepare myself mentally as well as physically.
Ruchama, that's a good way to think about it... the winding staircase. I think my experience (with my fear of the water, which I just realized last time I went, is gone! Have to post about that, but Pesach is coming!) is very much the winding spiral staircase as well. I'll have to remember that.
Oh, and re the hair... my trick is to wrap an extra towel around my shoulders just before I comb out my hair... the hair that falls out gets on it instead of me. Hair sticking to you is so annoying!
I also was focusing on the physical pieces of it... at one point my husband was reading about someone else's spiritual mikvah-related experience, and asked me if I ever noticed the spiritual aspect, because all he ever heard from me was the complaints! oops.
May you continue to grow in spirituality in all aspects of your life! Now I'm off to seek spirituality in cleaning car seats.