Mayim Rabim

The first time I was to visit a mikvah, I had to journey four hours from my home town to the city where the closest ritualarium was. I travelled with the woman who had taught me and was to supervise me.

During the second part of the trip, on the ferry, I mentioned to her what a close relationship I had with my uterus. I explained to her that at moments of great transformation in my life previously, I had been known to spontaneously start my period. She looked at me intensely and I saw her start to grok what I was really saying. "You'll tell me if that happens, won't you?"
I agreed.

It was the deepest darkest December. Almost like we were travelling in secret.

I had read Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan's Waters of Eden, Rivka Slonim's Total Immersion and spoken to married friends, converts and the like so I could better prepare myself for the experience. Be present with it and open up. Now here we were on a big, loud street in a big, loud city behind the biggest synagogue I had ever seen.

My best girlfriend met me there and we hung out in the car while the mikvah lady made things all ready. I had my feet up on the dash and it was only then that I saw the polish on my toes.

I panicked. Oh no! I have to go inside in a couple of minutes and I have chatzitzah on me! Where's a Safeway?!? I didn't know my way around in this city, so I relied on my girlfriend to direct me to the nearest store with nail polish remover.

After racing away and racing back, I clumsily rubbed & scraped at my toe nails to remove all trace of the offending laquer. Just as I was satisfied it was all gone, we were waved through the door to the mikvah.

Only once I was inside, after using the toilet -- I was so nervous -- and reshowering, did I look through the drawers in the preparation room for floss (I had forgotten that, too) and discovered the complimentary nail polish remover.

I felt a bit sheepish, but oh, well. I didn't want to keep anyone waiting anyway.

I approached the pool with the mikvah lady and my friend. I was awestruck. I felt like I was staring right down infinity.

The attendant asked if I'd just "checked" myself, concerned that the high stress of a lifecycle event might alter my cycle as I had warned her. Nothing had changed. There was no blood and had not been for over two weeks.

I cannot acurrately express the full experience of being enveloped by the mayim chayim.

After I had completed the number of immersions I had been instructed to and recited the blessing, the attendant smiled broadly, danced and began to sing to me:
"Draw water in joy
from the living well
draw water in joy
from the living well
mayim chayim
water of life
shalom."
I just wish I had been allowed to wear my contacts!
:)

So, that's how I became tahor for the first time.