To have and to hold

Posted by fromBeneath at 05:24 PM on May 18, 2005

Sh|t. I have a friend in the computer who is just like me: similar age, modern orthodox, going through fertility issues. We weirdly parallel each other. We’re both extremely regular with our cycles, never being late. And we’ve both been late with our periods this month. Just late enough to spark that glimmer of a thought, “maybe….”

We both got our periods today. She told her husband and cried together with him, but separate. I told my husband, said, “f*ck it, I don’t care,” and let my husband hold me. With everything I have, I am fighting the desire to curl up in his lap and cry. I think that hurts us worse than not being pregnant.

Comments

On May 18, 2005 at 11:54 PM, eden said:

Oh, fromBeneath, I'm sorry. I know.

On May 19, 2005 at 11:07 AM, Michal said:

{{hugs}} - what else is there to say?

On May 19, 2005 at 02:07 PM, Shifra said:

I've burst into tears countless times on the same issue... all while staring across the room at my husband who is just looking helpless. He says it hurts him so much to see me hurt, but he knows that my pain is greater because we as women have to go through the physical parts -- the blood, the cramping... all constant reminders that we did not get pregnant. So we developed a little hand signal that means "I'm hugging you inside" and whenever I get upset he makes the signal and it helps to know he is there for me.

Maybe you can try the same thing? I might work well for you too.

On May 19, 2005 at 09:07 PM, fromBeneath said:

Thanks everyone. Shifra, your hand signals - that's just so sweet. Thank you for sharing that.

Discuss this post on our message boards.