Haircut
It finally happened. I got my tri-annual hair-buzzing. About three times a year, and at least always in the beginning of the summer. I buzz my hair off with men's clippers. Or rather, my husband does the buzzing. Now, I don't do it for minhag/historical reasons (that's another post) and I don't do it neccessarily for the mikvah. I do it mostly for tsnius and for comfort.
For some reason, the hair at the back of my neck grows at an abnormal rate. I have a shoulder length wig, and frequently, I find that my hair from the nape of my neck is sticking out from the cap by an inch or two. It's not cool because then I can't put my wig into a pony tail. And I have to say, wearing a wig is the equivalant of wearing a fur hat in the summer. And unless my hair is at basic-training length, I suffer from the heat.
So my husband buzzes my hair for me (when I'm not in niddah, and when he's not too tired when he gets home, and when the cleaning lady will be coming the next day). But I know that it's a big turn-off for him. He doesn't like to buzz my hair, but he does it because he knows how uncomfortable it can get in the summertime.
That's why planning a hair cut is so vital. I try to get it as close to niddah as possible, but can't be too close or I miss my window. But if I do it too soon after the mikvah, my husband isn't interested in relations - too weird for him.
So does it make it easier for the mikvah? Yes, because in my "real" life my hair is very, very curly. So keeping my hair short/buzzed makes mikvah a lot less stressful. I remember as a kallah obsessing over keeping my hair "unknotted" and kept combing and combing until the mikvah lady got to the room. Now I use a drop or two of baby shampoo and am ready to go hair-wise.
Does anyone else out there have things they do for comfort/mikvah prep that weird their husbands out?
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Do you wear a hat or scarf around the house at all? Maybe right after you buzz your hair you can wear it in the bedroom as well. If your husband doesn't have to see your hair it might not weird him out as much.
YasserVeibel -
I can see your husband's perspective, as for several years after my wedding, mine was adamant about liking my hair long, even though it is ALWAYS covered in public - which includes my own house, at least during normal hours when the doorbell may ring, or if the shades are up.
On the other hand, I can see your point. Totally. I haven't gotten brave enough to buzz it (growing up my hair was ALWAYS at least to my shoudlers). My hair is mostly straight, so lately I have taken to buzing the bottom inch or so by my neck so it won't stick out, and the rest I can clip up. Still hot, but bearable. And DH has decided he doesn't care anymore. . . he used to trim it for me, lately I usually get fed up and just chop whatever annoys me (if he doesn't care anyway).
Shifra -
While the idea has merit, personally I think it would "weird out" *my* husband more - covering my head in the bedroom either means I'm niddah, or I'm lazy and we have overnight guests.
Then again, I'm not brave enough to try a buzz cut myself, maybe if I did he'd want me to cover it!
I think my husband would be very very upset if I tried cutting my hair that short... he also likes my hair "long," but my hair is wavy, not tight curls, so it's easier to deal with. I've never had it shorter than chin length... and I try to keep it long enough to pin up these days, because otherwise I have the same problem with bits not wanting to stay inside my wig or snood.
Still, if you leave it a little longer just at the neck (a couple of inches) then maybe it would curl up or be pinnable there and wouldn't stick out of your wig? And you would only have that small part to comb out?
I know curly hair is very annoying, but I'm thinking that 2 inch long curls (if it's a very tight curl) would lie closer to your head than a buzz, where when growing out you must wind up with the curls being halfway through the curl (hard to describe) and thus sticking straight out. And there'd be something for your husband to run his hands through (if he's into that) and it would look more feminine... and maybe wouldn't get so tangled as longer curls.
Just a thought... it'd take a while to get back to that length from buzzed and annoy you along the way, so don't try it unless you think it might work!
Vasser, why don't you get your buzz cut done by a professional hairstylist rather than your husband. Perhaps my perspective is a bit too secular, but I think that short hair is very sexy on a woman.
I always keep my hair covered, even when not in niddah with a sheital or a tichel. The only time my husband sees my hair is when he asks to see it or when it falls off when I'm sleeping. And my hair is not "that curly" just curly enough to be annoying. I'm too cheap to pay for someone to cut my hair, lol
BTW, I'm at least 20 degrees cooler now that I got a buzz job. :)
Meant to comment on this again sooner...
If you always always cover your hair anyway, and it's the act of cutting your hair that's freaking out your husband, then the solution is pretty obvious... don't make him do it. Do it yourself, or find a willing female friend to help you. (Or pay your sheitel macher to do it.) Then he won't have to think about it and he can find something else to weird him out. Like your diaphragm.
Oh, and I wanted to say you inspired me... I chopped about 5 inches off of my hair for the summer... now it's about shoulder length, and I agree. Much cooler. Maybe it's all in what you're used to...
If your curly hair is hard to cover and your husband doesn't care for it so short, why not let it grow - maybe just to jaw or chin length - and have it straightened or ironed? You can still pin it up in a ponytail and you will look a lot nicer.
have you tried cutting a pocket in the back of the wig? if you do that, you can pull the loose hair thru the pocket, and then make the ponytail (or leave the wig hair loose) and the hair is covered by the wig.