Mayim Rabim

No - I have better things to do than eat when I come home from the mikvah! I make sure that I eat something before I go - before shkiah, that is.

I often find myself hungry when I get home from mikvah, but oten enough I haven't eaten since lunch (at least not significantly), and my husband usually walks in the door from ma'ariv so I can go - which generally means he hasn't had dinner yet either.

Why would you do that to yourself? Why isn't dinner ready early enough so you can eat before shkiyah?

Water usually does make me starving, and I have experienced this phenomenon often, although sometimes I just have to deal with it and wait b/c we don't have anything that I am in the mood for in the house.

Well, in the winter, "before shkiah" is practically still lunchtime! And mikvah hours might still evening then, since people need time to get home from work.

But practically, it might have more to do with balancing preparing for mikvah with childcare and/or other obligations, and dinner just falls through the cracks. That and not eating once you've begun preparing... and you are supposed to at least begin preparations before shkiah.

Although the not eating thing must be a minhag, not a halacha, or you'd be pretty hungry by the second day of Yontif, when all preparation officially takes place before Yontif starts. Or motzei Shabbos, when you're supposed to start preparing before Shabbos.

Anyway, I also find often in the last minute rush that either dinner isn't ready at all, or it winds up ready to eat exactly as I'm ready to go out the door to make my appointment.

And my husband really appreciates it when I'm at least mostly prepared at home, since it means I'll come back sooner.

Desde, Shabbos and yomtov are different from regular weeknights. There are very specific laws as to what you can and can't do if you are toiveling Motzei Shabbos and 2nd night yomtov.

I should know, I am called the Motzei Shabbos Lady at my mikvah; I've had that kviyus for years!!!!!!

On the other days you're not supposed to eat between shkia and tevilah. It's a law, not custom.

Do you also get hungry when you go swimming? I think I can understand this phenomemon.

I think there are varying meanings of "eating." Some people say you shouldn't put anything in your mouth, some people say you should not eat anything substantial, some people say you can eat to satisfy hunger but not for any other reason, etc.
Sara, if you are going to posken, could you please include a cite so we can all learn? Thanks!

...and then there's my kallah teacher, who never mentioned it at all. (Which is a good thing, because I wouldn't be able to do it anyway; I get dizzy when I don't eat and there is no way I'm going to risk fainting in the shower.)

I'm with Ruth! What's the source for saying it's law not custom?

I'll ask the Yoetzet and post bli neder.

Ok, you guys....I asked:

What is the halacha on the day of tevilah - is it forbidden to eat after shkiah
or before tevilah, or what? Thanks.

And I got the following answer:

ANSWER
You have to make sure there is no food between your teeth, in your mouth, and
on your hands or face as part of the preparations for mikveh. It is not
halachicly forbidden, but it is good advice to avoid certain foods such as meat
or popcorn the day of tevilah. After completing preparations for mikveh you
should preferably not eat at all, although you need not fast! you could drink
liquids or anything which will not create a possible chatzitza.

Oh, good, I was starting to panic at the thought of not eating between shkiah and tevillah in the winter time... with my husband's schedule, that could be up to 5-6 hours, and like eden, I'd get dizzy. (At the least!)

nah....it's not like that.....i remember eating in the waiting room once before I started - pretzels, yum...............

Desde, you could get a Mother's Helper, couldn't you.....to watch the kids while you prepare & toivel......

I should think that especially in the winter months, if you came home similar time to your husband, all "ready", he'd really like that!!!!

a lot of people don't eat before mikva, the custom is not to eat meat that day, etc.
but it's also sometimes hard to take a bath on a full stomach. I dont like to eat a full meal when I have to go out and take care of things generally, and I usually only eat something light before mikva also and eat when I get back.
Sometimes I dont eat when i get back, and sometimes I eat more earlier so that I will be free when I get back, but it does make me feel a little uncomfortable to go to the mikva on a full stomach.

sara -

I don't know about the mikvah where you live, or Desde lives for that matter, but around here, in midwinter, there's up to 3 hours betwen shkia and the mikvah opening. And like Desde says - it often just doesn't happen.

My children eat dinner before I go, but preparing dinner for myself and my husband to then not eat it for at least an hour (he only comes home after ma'ariv, and often does bedtime while I'm there) seems plain silly.

And with small kids, a "mother's helper" to prepare at home is one thing, but I for one can't toivel at home (grin) - and wouldn't leave my kids to go to mikvah without at least a real babysitter watching them.

All that to come home from toiveling when my husband makes it home from work and shul adds up - in logistics as well as money. Once in a while getting a babysitter makes sense, but to add that to the regular schedule of mikvah logistics (with a shortage of babysitters around here) would be more stressful than helpful.

Thanks, Michal! Said it better than I could have.

Add to that the tzinus issue... I'd be pulling Mother's Helper/babysitter age kids from religious families, and I don't know how much they know, or what they'd repeat when they got home. "Mom, it was really strange. She had me play with the kids so she could go take a bath!"

I have gotten a babysitter before to go to mikvah, but my excuse was that I was meeting my husband at the restaurant for dinner. (Restaurant was closer to his place of business than to home, so it sort of made sense for me to meet him.) Which I did, I just made a planned stop first. And I was already prepared, or that would have been a very long dinner date! Not something I'd do every month.

Hey, I don't know you or your budgets. It was just a suggestions.

Why does your mikvah open so late anyway? I never heard of one opening after the time of bentching licht. Unless it was Shabbos or Yomtov! Do they not have much "business?" Make an earlier appointment for yourself!

Speaking of which - I don't think you have to tell a sitter you're "taking a bath". Tell them you can't be reached and give them your husband's cell number. Or just give them your cell number.

Or let him do maariv at home, so you can get out earlier.

I jsut don't think you should be hungry, that's all............

But, hey, whatever works................

sara - my local mikvah also opens late in the winter. Many, if not most, women in this community work outside of their homes and could not get there at 4:00 P.M. or 5:00 P.M. on a weeknight. (The mikvah is usually open for about two or two and a half hours; anything outside that span and you have to make a special appointment.) And even for the ones who don't work, they often need to wait for their husbands to get home (from work, if not also from shul) to take care of the children. (If you are already sacrificing one income so that the mother can stay home with the children, you probably don't have extra money to spend on a babysitter once a month, or if you do maybe you want to save it for when you can go out together!)

Why should a man who would otherwise go daven with a minyan stay home and daven alone?

Just making an earlier appointment is not always a solution - the mikvah attendant(s) also have things to do, possibly day jobs. Special appointments are for when you really need them - you were traveling during "business hours," or were at a close friend's wedding, or got stuck working late or had to be at a special medical appointment.

As for the babysitter - I think the implication is that Desde (and many others) prepare at home. Not all mikva'ot have full preparation rooms, and even when your local one does sometimes it's just easier or less stressful to take a bath and all of that at home.

Well!!!!!!!!

Guess I've been informed, haven't I, as to how people "out of town" live!

Sara, your last comment comes across as both huffy and superior, neither of which are called for here.

It's nice that you want to help, but it also seems that you think the problem should be fairly easy to solve. Desde, Michal, and Michaela have been very politely trying to explain why your solutions would not work for some people.

It's very hard to tell if someone is joking online because you can't hear their tone of voice or see their expression. If you meant that in a joking way, it would help to add a smiley face or a wink. But it would also help to speak more carefully.

What? Why would you think I'm trying to sound superior? As I said, I'm trying to help here.

sara, maybe you didn't intend to sound "superior" (as eden put it), but you did. I tried to make my earlier response as polite as possible, but I *was* somewhat put off by the tone of your earlier comments. And a statement like this:

Well!!!!!!!! Guess I've been informed, haven't I, as to how people "out of town" live!

If i was snobby, why would i be here, to "lord it over" you "out-of-towners.....That IS mean!

and "willfully ignorant"?....well, having lived in NYC for about 20 years, and knowing only what we do & how we do it, you guys are giving me an education!

It all goes back to what eden suggested: typing does not contain tone of voice or facial expressions, and the use of "ascii art smileys" (for example) or some other explicit indication that you are trying to convey a particular emotion behind your words may go a long way.

I also initially read your comment in the tenor that eden and michaela did, and was shocked, especially after some of your other, lighter posts. It came across QUITE differently.

I am sure I speak for the others when I say we don't need to belabor the point - *everyone* reading and posting should just take the lesson that we need to be extra careful about possible misinterpretations of our written words.

Friends again? : - )

Friends...always!

I have this too. I am starving when I get home from the mikveh!! I was thinking it's because taking a warm bath makes me hungry.

I think Sara needs a mikvah tour ;-)

My town is also a "one-mikvah" town... and it's by appointment only, no "official" hours. Preparing *at* the mikvah means taking up one of only two preparation rooms, meaning the volunteer attendant must stay there perhaps longer than she intended, since only one other room is available for any other woman who needs to go. They are very careful here about not having anyone sitting in the waiting room and they try to stagger comings and goings so that you won't see anyone except the attendant. To discourage preparing at the mikvah, there is also an extra fee. Not a huge one, but it exists. I think the point is more to insure that you remember to warn the attendant when you make the appointment!

Also, initially you suggested a "Mother's Helper," not a babysitter. In my mind, a Mother's Helper is a bit younger and thus cheaper than a babysitter, but the main difference is that you can't leave... she "helps" with the kids while you are on the premises somewhere in case of emergency. Thus, if I went to take a bath it would be in the house and she'd hear the water running. With a babysitter you can leave.

Either way, it's always been easier to wait for my husband to get home than to pack up my kids to go get a babysitter, and then to "explain" why I was going out without my husband. People do seem to expect some sort of explanation, (the kids will ask if the babysitter doesn't!) although it doesn't have to be detailed.

Desde, I don't know why you felt you had to say that, even tongue in cheek.

I live in a big city, with many mikvahs, and I don't have the same experience or limitations you have.

My daughter is often a Mother's Helper - and takes the kids OUT - to the park, pizza, whatever.

If my suggestions didn't help you, fine. Don't run me down!

I'm sorry, Sara, "running you down" was not my intention at all! I was only trying to respond to your remark about getting an education and hoping to add to it with more information. Not just for you, of course. Anyone who has only experienced what mikvah is like in her own town has no idea what it is like elsewhere.

I think my tour is a great idea. I've seen the big Crown Heights mikvah, for example, and it's very different from our little one here... such a tour would be very instructive for all of us.

And my comment about Mother's Helper was meant to clarify what I "heard" when you said that... so you would understand my comments initially responding to that better, since it became obvious that we had different definitions for the term.

Please don't take offense, to my or others' comments. Didn't we discuss how it is easy to mishear tone in written comments on this very thread? We all try very hard here to stay friends, and not to offend anyone.

Remember....I HAVE been to more than one mikvah; one of my original posts was when I visited Pupa!

This is ridiculous. Sara, your posts aren't offensive, but they are consistently snooty and rarely helpful- across the board. Desde- pleaee stop apologizing to her.
Sincerely, a longtime Brookyln resident.

Dillie - that was MEAN! We have an ahavas yisroel rule here!

sara - I make the rules around here, not you. If you think another person's comment is inappropriate and you can't respond to it politely, please contact her (or me, or both) privately about it.

It seems like private posts are a great idea for comments on tone rather than content.

I've been using the internet for interpersonal communication for about 8 years, so I've developed somewhat of a virtual sack of salt (for taking comments with a grain of salt). I'm just lucky that way.

chazak ubaruch!