Mayim Rabim

It's been a long time. I just today had the werewithall to look at the sight. TH and Mikvah have been so far out of my line of sight for so long I couldn't wrap my head around it.

BH things have been good. And I've been able to see a few(!) positive aspects of not going to the mikvah. I don't miss the counting, I don't miss the bedikahs, I don't miss the last minute before shkiah bedikas, I don't miss tracking down a Rov. I have discovered the joy (and impracticality) of a pedicure with polish! and sparkles! And I don't feel it's frivoulous because I don't have to worry about taking it off in a few weeks!

But of course, now, I've begun dating. And I've begun to think about the idea of being with a man again and the idea of keeping TH again. And while I still miss the idea of going to the mikvah, in some ways it seems ephemeral - hard to nail down, hard to imagine - kind of like when I was single and when I was a kallah. There is an unknown charachter to it - what will it be like to keep TH with someone else? It was intimate, me, my (ex) husband, and the mikvah lady (and occasionally the rov), and that was it. (Okay so that last sentence sounds like Menage a Trois, but you know what I mean).

IMYH I will someday meet my bashert (it should be soon), but what will it mean to keep TH with someone other than my ex? What I mean is that is was something special and intimate between us, how will that dynamic change with a new husband? I get the sense that the first time may feel like I am violating some sacred vow or connection.

For a guy I can't stand. Weird ain't it?