Mayim Rabim

To further expand on my profile: As I noted, I am fascinated by the mikvah: stories, films, other women's experiences, mikvah attendants, all the different types of mikva'ot. I've been amazed to discover that it's not just orthodox women who observe t"h. I never knew about it growing up; never heard anything about special laws for Jewish couples. Well, except the ol' hole-in-the-sheet rule, of course, but then hasn't everyone heard that one? Despite my...

OK. I’ll come right out and say it. I am a contradiction in terms. I can just hear my grandfather asking “Are you on foot or on horseback?” I’m not sure. I’m not exactly Conservative - although I currently attend a Conservative shul. I grew up Reform, left it behind at 13 and I’m definitely not that! I know I’m not Reconstructionist because I’m not sure what it even entails. And, yup, I’m not Orthodox...

I was born frum, to non-frum parents. Not exactly a comfortable situation, but I made the best of it, although I did struggle mightily against being made to wear jeans! Ha, I won, I get to wear skirts all the time now! Eventually I grew up, went to college, and fell head over heels in love... with Shabbat and orthodoxy. It was like coming home... well, that's why they call it Ba'alat Teshuva, right? Met...

Some may call me your run-of-the-mill Orthodox girl. Minutiae have always been a way of life for me, and once I got old enough to be curious about the volumes on the far left corner of my father’s book shelves, I saw T’’M as just another set of laws to add to the list, along with waiting six hours between eating meat and dairy and not ripping toilet paper on Shabbos. Little did I know...

I defy denominational pigeon holing and don’t fit neatly in one box. I began observing T”H when I married a non-observant guy. He’s now my ex-husband. Mikvah was a part of the marriage – and a thorn in his side. It helped me keep time, mark a miscarriage and acknowledge the birth of a child. Fast forward a few years. Remarried. Great spouse. Resumed observing T”H. Had a second child. Currently still nursing so no...

The ex and I took a trip to Peru and Bolivia to celebrate the end of his medical training. The trip was amazing: the Amazon, Macchu Picchu, surviving off granola bars and canned tuna, the gold museum in Lima, the alpaca wool shops (I knit). It was such a learning experience and culturally enriching. But, let me tell you, getting your period in the Andes and having it continue while in the Amazon was no...

The post about not actually going to the mikvah in La Paz reminded me that every mikvah is different, and if you've only ever been to one, you might find a very different experience at a second one, while traveling, if you move, etc. I wanted to share some aspects that were different at some different mikva'ot I've been to. (For anonymity, this post was edited to be point by point instead of mikvah by...

IwishIwishIwish mikvah attendants would leave after I'm technically finished in the mikvah. I feel like there's an unwritten law: 3 dunks and yerrrrrrr OUT! I was inspired by someone special to me to spend a few minutes alone with myself in the mikvah after my 3 dunks, 3 "ko-SHER"s, and 1 bracha. This is private time, I'm squeaky clean, I'm sparkling fresh, I'm blessed, I'm holy again. I'm in the re-birthing waters. Now is the...

There's so much to do, but I don't see how it will be more different or difficult for me to learn than keeping kosher, shabbos, learning Hebrew .. but it will. Even though by and large this is for me it's not -just- me... I need to include my chosson [husband].. and that's where the difficulty begins. He's not yet fully shomer mitzvot and except for being completely shomer negiah I am. He did have...

I've gotten so much better about my obsessive/compulsive relationship with taharat hamishpacha. Partly thanks to my therapist, who convinced me that Gd would actually approve of my becoming less afraid of making a mistake. Partly thanks to our (second) rabbi, who finally - when all else failed - told me, "once you get home to your husband, don't ask any questions NO MATTER WHAT you notice." It still takes some effort on my part, though,...

Do you all know about the Mikvah Project? When I first saw the photographs I was in love. Although the idea of looking at images of other women using the mikvah was jarring, considering the degree of tzniut we usually try to preserve, for me the photos really do capture something of the poetry I feel in those moments under the water -- which is part of what made me want to write about mikvah,...

Hello, my name is Tziva. I have to admit that the whole mikvah process is a mixed bag for me. I enjoy the results. The actual dunking I find a spiritual experience. The prep I dread, it is stressful and tiring. It brings out OCD tendancies in me. I could spend a whole day sloughing off dead skin, cleaning my belly button and ear ring holes and recutting fingernails until they hurt. By the time...

I think I’ll get my proverbial “feet wet” with a mikvah story about a friend, rather than myself. I was still a single girl when a good friend told me this story. She was in her 30s, after being frum for a number of years. She was married for over three years and had been told by a few infertility specialists that she and her husband could never get pregnant without medical assistance (funny how...

The day I go to the mikva is probably the most exciting day of the month. I walk around the entire day grinning like I have a secret, dreamily imagining my husband and thinking about our reunion that will take place in only twelve hours… six hours… three hours… As soon as I put my kids to bed I start my preparations. I try to get to the mikva with at a time when there...

I was raised in a Modern Orthodox home (perhaps more “modern” than “Orthodox”). My mother tells me that she never visited a mikveh. I no longer consider myself Orthodox, yet I visit the mikveh every month.

as per my kallah teacher i dutifully "ignored" the spotting and waited for the main event. it hit with a vengance about 10 p monday night. ok, so now i'm niddah (since i'm not married and its been 11 months since my mikveh visit i've been niddah for a while, but now i'm really niddah). dutifully i marked it in my calendarS (more on that later, bli neder) and i sent df (dear fiance, let's...

I put off making a hefsek taharah as long as I could, but I finally did it. Partially I stalled because I wasn't supposed to see my future husband once I did it, and we had paperwork to take care of if we wanted to be married legally, not just halachically. Mostly it was because it started the count-down to going to mikvah. As it was, we wound up seeing each other anyway, to take...

In comments to my previous post, My first time... I said I had always thought taking the mikvah lady up on her idea of "practicing" sometime in bathing suits (to get me more comfortable with the water) was a good idea, but had just never gotten around to it. In retrospect, that was a lie. Since I pride myself on being honest, here's the real reason I never accepted what seemed like a perfectly reasonable...

Before my husband and I got married, I really wanted to go to the mikvah. I had no idea what t"h actually entailed, nor did I think it was something that I would observe, but I felt very strongly I wanted to go to the mikvah before we got married. I didn't. There was too much to do, I didn't know how to tell our non-observant families that I needed time to go to the...

Here's the thing about taharat hamishpacha and infertility. OK, one of the many things. If you came to this practice by one of the standard routes - if you took a kallah class, or studied the sources "inside" - you probably came across the Gemara that asks why we do this, and answers, "to keep a wife as beloved unto her husband as the day they were married." Absence makes the heart grow fonder, observant...

The key is to empower couples to make their own decisions regarding T”H, rather than simply offering practical instruction.

I know several men who took "chatan classes" before getting married. I don't know much about these classes, though, and I am curious.

Rabban Gamliel would say: Accept upon yourself a teacher; and remove yourself from uncertainty; and do not give an excess when tithing by estimating [instead of measuring]. -- Pirkei Avos 1:16 Ok, I can probably rattle that off in Hebrew better and the English doesn't do it justice, but tonight it finally sunk in. Why am I emphasising I can say the Hebrew? (Am I showing off?) No, I didn't fully understand the meaning of...

Discussing mikvah just isn't done. Because of its inheret tie to the resumption of marital relations, the fact that you're going is something shared with your husband and the mikvah lady, and that's it. (Maybe your hostess if you're traveling and staying in someone's house and can't come up with a reasonable explanation for your absence.) One of the problems with all the secrecy surrounding going to the mikvah is that it's really hard to...

After my first baby was born, it was a long time before I got to mikvah. (I was stupid, and didn't ask about my brown and then yellow bedikahs that were probably fine, for many reasons, including the fact that putting off going to mikvah, while not fair to my husband, was just fine with me! Getting those bedikahs to a Rav would have been complicated, but it could have been done. There's always the...

I had a miscarriage Rosh Chodesh Adar. Ironic, isn't it? The Jewish month of joy, the new moon, Ash Wednesday, Chinese New Year...any way you slice it, it was a big day. I was at the end of my first trimester. The time when finally parents-to-be cautiously breathe a sigh of relief that the most fragile third of the pregnancy has been successfully navigated. The time when family & friends may be privileged to hear...